Do Number Ka Badmash – Part I

Maine savaliya nigahon se use dekha to usne bataya “vastav me maharaja hotel me hamari company ka ek presentation tha saare medical representative aaye hue the hamare do naye utpad bhi lanch kiye gaye the confrence 9 baje khatam hui aur khana khane ke chakkar me der ho gayi aur wapas ghar jaane ka sadhan nahi thi to yaha aate wakt raste me auto khrab ho gaya aur is barish ko bhi aaj hi aana tha, raste me ek ghar ke samne kutta soya tha aur bekhyali me mera pair uspar pad gaya aur wo itni jor se bhonka ki main darr gayi” ek saans me nisha ne sab bata diya, main “arre kahi kat to nahi liya??” wo boli “nahi kata to nahi..! didi dikhayi nahi de rahi?” main “ohh.. madhu to jaipur gayi hui hai pichhle 10 dino se!” to wo boli “tabhi unka mobile nahi mil raha tha” main “to mujhe hi kar liya hota” wo boli “mere pass apka number nahi tha” main “haan bhai.. aap hamara number kyo rakhengi.. hum apke hai hi kon?” wo boli “aap aisa kyo kehte hai?”.

Main “bhai tum to didi ke liye hi aati ho hame kon puchhta hai?” eo boli “nahi aisi koi baat nahi hai!” main “iska matlab tum mere liye bhi aati ho” main bhala mazak ka aisa moka kese chhodta, wo sharma gayi aur usne apni nigahe niche kar li, thodi der sochti rahi aur fir boli “ohh didi to hai nahi to main kisi hotel me theher jaati hoon!!” main “kyo? yaha kya dikkat hai?” wo boli “wo.. wo.. aap akele hai main.. mera matlab.. didi ko pata chalega to kya sochegi?” main “kyo kya sochegi? tum isse pehle yaha nahi thehri?” wo boli “haan par us samye didi ghar thi!” main “kya hum itne ure hai?” wo boli “ohh.. wo baat nahi hai” main “to fir kya baat hai?” wo boli “wo.. wo.. mera matlab kya hai ki ek jawan ladki ka is tarahger mard ke saath raat me.. akele?? mera matlab?? wo kuch samajh nahi aa raha” usne roni si surat banare hue kaha, main “ohh. ab main samjha tum mujhe ger samajhti hoya fir tumhe apne aap par vishwas nahi hai” wo boli “nahi aisi baat to nahi hai”.

Main “to fir baat ye hai ki main ek hinsak pashu hoon ek gunda-badmash mawali hoon aur tum jese ladki ko akeli pakar kha hi jaunga ya kuch ulta sidha kar bethunga? kyo ha na sahi baat?” wo boli “ohh jiju.. aap bhi baat ka batangad bana rahe hai main to ye keh rahi thi ki apko bekar me pareshani hogi” main “arre isme pareshani wali kya baat hai?” wo boli “fir main bhi ekta kapur.. mera matlab wo.. didi..?” wo kuch sochte hue boli!, main “arre jab tumhe koi smasya nahi mujhe nahi to fir jaipur bethi madhu ko kya samasya ho sakti hai, aur fir aas pados wale se koi fikar nahi karte agar apna mann saaf hai to fir kisi ka kya darr? kya main galat keh raha hoon” main itna badhiya moka aur hath me aayi murgi aise hi hawa me kese ud jane deta, mujhe to laga jese makki hi mere pass sofe par bethi hai! wahi naak-naksh wahi roop-rang aur kad-kathi wahi aawaj wahi najuk sa badan bilkul chhui mui si kachi kali jesi.

Bas dono me farak itna tha ki nisha ki aankhe kaali hai aur makki ki bilori thi aur dusra nisha koi 24-25 ki hogi jabki makki 13 ki thi, makki thodi si gadrayi hui lagti thi jab nisha dubli patli chaarhari lagti hai aur kamar to aisi ki dono muthiyon me sama jaye aur chhote chohte ras-kup (uroj) honth itne surkh laal aur mote mote hai to uske nichale honth mera matlab hai ki uski chut ke honth kese honge, main to soch kar hi romanchit ho utha aur mera pappu to chhalange hi lagane laga, uske hontho ke dahane (chodaai) to 2.5-3 inch ka hi hoga ling mahadev agar aaj ye chidiya fas gayi to meri to lotry hi lag jayegi aur agar aisa ho gaya to kal somwaar ko main jarur jal aur doodh tumhe chadhaunga bhale hi mujhe ka chhuti kyo na leni pade! pakka wada! prem aashram wale guru ji ne apne pichhle parwachan me sach hi farmaya tha “ye sab chuten, gaand aur land sab kaam dev ke haatho ki katputliyan hai, kon si chut aur gaand kis land se kab kaha aur kitni der chudegi koi nahi janta!”.

Itne me jiro ki bijli kadki aur musladhar barish shuru ho gayi! nisha darr ke maare meri aur sarak gayi, mujhe ek sher yaad aa gaya !! lipat jaate hai wo bijli ke darr se ! ya ilahi ye ghanta do ghanta to barse !! uske bhige badan ki khushboo se main to madhosh hua ja raha tha aur gile kapdon ke uska ang ang saaf dikhayi de raha tha, shayad usne mujhe ghurte hue dekh liya tha to wo kuch sochte hue boli “main to puri hi bhig gayi”, main samjh gaya ki wo kapde badalna ya nahana chahti hai par uske pass kapde nahi hai, mere se kapde mangte hue shayad kuch sankoch kar rahi hai to maine usse kaha “koi baat nahi tum naha lo main madhu ki saree nikal deta hoon” wo fir sochne lagi “par wo.. wo.. saree to mujhe bandhani nahi aati” to maine mann me kaha “meri jaan tum to bina saree-kapdon ke hi achhi lagogi tumhe kapde kon kambakht pehnana chahta hai” “koi baat nahi koi pent aur top shirt ya nighty bhi hai aao mere sath”.